When you take your first Mass,
Don't appear as an ass,
But have all the actions off pat;
When you walk up that nave,
You must always behave,
For this is your new habitat.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.
 
During hymns that are sung,
Or when incense is swung,
Don't wander away from the text;
Don't appear as a slob,
Keep your mind on the job,
This is Mass not the Office of Sext.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.
 
Then in fellowship sweet,
All will move from their seat,
As they offer each other the Peace;
Now you know what to do,
Shake just one hand or two,
Don't you hold on, just touch and release.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.
 
For the Thanksgiving prayer,
Make your choice with some care,
And try not to show that you're bored;
Wipe the smile off your face,
You are saying the grace
Of the meal we've received from the Lord.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.
 
Now you know what to do,
Lay the corporal true,
And take from the server the host;
And so that we may sup,
Pour the wine in the cup;
Add of water, a drip at the most.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.
 
Call the people to feast,
From the great to the least,
And pick up the paten and bread;
Take a piece, not a crumb,
In your finger and thumb,
And make sure each mouth is well fed.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.
 
There is many a slip,
Made betwixt cup and lip,
So push it quite hard to make sure;
Never mind the chipped teeth,
If it's your firm belief,
Not a drop should be spilt on the floor.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.
 
Then when everything's done,
And the final hymn's sung,
You may leave in procession that's fine;
As you slide from your place,
Do not fall on your face,
And your new reputation shall shine.
 
Genuflect now,
It's what the rubrics allow,
Make the sign of the cross, then
Lean your head forward and bow.

©Pharisaios Publications 2001

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