Ministry

Ministry & Mission

(to the tune of Waltzing Matilda)

Once the Dean of Truro camped around the sanctuary

Swinging his thurible with shrieks of glee;

Smirking at the choir boys, calling to the organist,

"Who’ll come and do Benediction with me?"

"Not me, my darling." Said the Precentor.

"I’d rather listen to Mozart in B.

Don’t like your monstrance, don’t like your candlesticks.

I am a good little C of E."

Father Sean O’Reilly ran up to the sacristan

Waving a chalice in front of his nose.

"This isn’t port, boy. Tastes as bad as a Beaujolais.

That’s why the faithful have gone to St Joe’s.

Get me some Taylors or maybe some Cockburn’s Croft.

Rather drink Fosters than this foul slop.

Good parish masses need a strong communion wine.

Set up an account with a good bottle shop."

Mother Mary Martha led her sisters to the bar.

"Girls, we’ve a mission to do." said she.

"Save all the drunkards from their lives of misery but

if there’s a hunk, make sure you save him for me!

We need to show these louts there’s a better way;

Wasting their lives when there’s so much to do.

We’ll teach them all about love and forgiveness

And if we teach them well, we’ll get some action too!"

Julius O’Flaherty, order of the Holy Rag

Loved St Veronica with all his heart.

500 hankies with the sweat of God himself,

Selling at $12, proves he’s really smart.

"It’s not extortion. Not even fraud m’dear!

Relics boost the faith of the frail and the queer.

Share in our Lord’s burden; share your cash with those in need,

And in no time at all I’ll spend it all on beer."